:: losing doesn't mean failure ::

Being a mother, you will always want the best for your child. Ady is 3 weeks old and the best thing for him at the moment besides love and care should be breast milk. As we all knew, there are numerous benefits of feeding breast milk to a child. Personally, I have planned to breastfeed my son since I was still carrying him but little that I knew it is a pretty challenging task.

Government hospitals promote breastfeeding and ban any other milk as well as feeding bottles, paficiers and others. They have this policy where mothers should breastfeed their newborns as early as 30 minutes after delivery so the newborns could get the colostrum which contains antibodies that can protect them against disease. Ady didn't want to drink directly from me since that first 30 minutes. Different nurses came providing assistance but neither one of them succeed so Ady was taken away and given formula milk instead because he was already hungry. In this case they still provide formula milk but with a cup instead of bottle. I salute the nurses for their endless efforts but Ady still didn't want to drink from me until the second day. It was already at night and after numerous shoving by the nurse he finally 'surrendered'. Until today, that was the first and the last time so far because on Day 3 onwards I expressed my milk with the hospital's pump and given to him manually.

Ady drinking EBM from a cup and he was only 3 days old

We reached home late night on Day 4. Using the Anakku manual breastpump I bought earlier, I expressed my milk and fed him with a feeding bottle. That time Ady drank less than 2 oz (around 30-40 ml) but it gradually increased to 60 ml. Since he got jaundice, we were advised to feed him every 1-2 hours so on Friday, Day 8 we bought Medela Mini Electric double pumping breastpump for more efficiency. I have started worrying because I could only keep one or two stocks in the chiller while demand for milk was increasing as days passed by. I read on the Internet that some people could pump up to 20 oz per session and even have expired EBMs while it was a struggle for me to get even 3 oz! Honestly, it was very challenging and a bit stressful. I didn't do much everyday except expressing milk from morning till night but I could only kept 1 or 2 stocks in the chiller. Even so, I still intended to feed him fully with EBM at least until he reaches one month old which is only a week away.

I could plan but today I consider myself losing in this so-called battle because I already gave Ady formula milk this evening. Supply couldn't cater demand. Ady is growing and it's gonna be worst if there is no available stock when he is hungry so last night we decided to give him formula milk during the day and continue with my EBM at night. Giving formula milk is on trial and error basis because we have to wait and see whether it is suitable for our baby so hubby bought the smallest pack available. Our first choice is Enfalac A+ and hopefully it suits Ady. I'm a bit disappointed with myself actually, but it doesn't make me a bad mom, right? "Losing doesn't mean failure" and I'm saying this to cure my heart :-(